Failing and looking on

We are way too hard on ourselves. A lot of us anyway, there are some people that let themselves get away with too much. But I’m talking about people who feel crippled by the weight of their own expectations. Those that have allowed themselves to believe so deeply that they are inadequate and incapable of achieving something, let alone the things they dream of. 

We are wired as humans to be aware and look out for threats of danger, and danger nowadays covers a lot more than it used to. Things like social danger or emotional danger are very prevalent in our modern world, especially the internet world. We are wired to pay attention to the dangers as to avoid them but this leads so many of us in this modern world to hyper focus on our failures and ignore our successes. We belittle ourselves for our shortcomings and get stuck in trying to ‘fix’ them before we can imagine something better. 

The Five of Cups, of course I’m talking about the Five of Cups. In this card a dark figure stands at a window. A great scene outside the window but that’s not where this figure is. They are in the room, standing over three spilled cups, dwelling on their emptiness, on their fall. The two cups behind them, untouched and full, go unnoticed. 

It is so hard to spot the opportunities around us when we are so concerned with what isn’t going right. These feelings of failure, of grief even, are important, they aren’t to be ignored, but I don’t think that is what the card is saying. It is telling us to acknowledge these feelings but not to forget what else still remains. That there is hope and it is as equally vital to look for the positive things around us. 

Let’s come back to that scene outside the window then, the one our figure is facing. We can see a river flowing; standing over water or looking out at it is often symbolism for looking into our emotions. This tells us that we do in fact need to address our feelings of disappointment, this isn’t a card that says ‘just move on already’. A little ways up the river we see a bridge, I think the symbolism of bridges is fairly obvious. If we manage to get to that bridge and walk over it, there is a castle on the other side a little further in the distance but its on the other side of that bridge. Although a card that is linked to regret, despair and loss, that isn’t the whole lesson here. 

Right now, this card to me represents very small things, small defeats and dissappointments. I am not currently in the thick of any intense grief but I am at the edge of something. I am at the edge of a person who loves to dwell on split cups, one that often has the visors down to opportunity because I’m so stuck in my negative thought patterns, relentlessly convincing myself of all of my mistakes, creating regret where a story isn’t even necessary. I have real trouble getting to that bridge. Crossing over those emotions and leaving them behind. I hold a belief somewhere that only perfect people can cross the bridge. That’s not true though, I would accept and even encourage another imperfect person to cross it - an imperfect me is not allowed to cross it. It’s not enough that I spilled those cups, I must stare at them and suffer forever. I have never appreciated this card so much as I do now, because it puts failure, acknowledgement, acceptance and moving on all into the same process because it is the same process, it all leads on from the other and it is so very important for our lives, for our mental safety not to stay stuck and dwelling on our mistakes, on our past. 

In a reading, pulling this card in its upright position would indicate that there are things you are dwelling on, you are too focused on the past and it is time to look on the bright side. In its reversed state it would indicate the stage in the process of healing is underway and you are moving towards the bridge. 

I feel like this card tells quite a straightforward, albeit profound and impactful story. I think I am having an aversion to going much deeper into it because I identify so much with being a dweller that I want to release my own proximity to the five of cups so I can move on from it. 

And so I will end this shorter than I normally do, and more positively than I would have thought when I pulled this card. Healing and moving on are as much a part of us as a failure is. 

People love to say that we should judge ourselves not by how many times we fall but by how many times we get back up and whilst there is truth in that (and motivation), it unconsciously frames falling as easy and getting up as the hard part, but what if they are both as normal and as natural as each other and just because we’ve ascribed failure to being something that just happens to us and ‘getting back up’ as something that requires immense strength doesn’t mean that failure is reserved for stupid people and resilience for exceptional ones. We all fail, and we all get back up, one leads to the other in fact, anyone who we praise for their ability to get back up has also fallen. You have fallen and here you are. And even if you are still dwelling somewhere, there is a bridge out there available and I hope you let yourself see it. It’s not always about strength, its mostly about shifting our perspective, that’s the real battle, I hope you win it.